学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-12
Where is the egg?
Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?
Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.
Teacher:Then where is the "egg"?
Student:In the cake,Sir.
There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, "How come this guy is $5,000? That's so expensive for this kindof parrot." The owner said, "Because I have trained him and he can talk." So the customer asked him, "How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?" The owner said, "Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That's why he's so expensive." Then the customer said, "How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?" The owner of the shopsaid, "I don't know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him 'The Boss.'"
1. Two Tickets Please
A young man was in love with a girl. At one weekend, he invited his girlfriend to the cinema. When they were at the ticket box, the young man said to the ticket seller, "Two tickets, please. "
When the ticket seller told him that all the tickets had sold out, the disappointed young man said, "Then do you have any sur- tickets that can allow us to stand together?"
(1) be (fall) in love with 爱上
(3) disappointed adj.失望的
(2) sell out 售完，卖完
(4) sur-ticket n.附加票
①What did the young man do at one weekend?
② How many tickets did he want?
③ Did the ticket-seller have any tickets?
④ Was the young man happy?
⑤ What did he decide to do then?
① He invited his girlfriend to the cinema.
③ No, the tickets had sold out
④ No, he wasn't.
⑤ He decided to buy two sur-tickets which could allow them to stand together.
An Adult Decision
The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for one. He argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions. Sure enough, a few days after his 18th birthday, he come home with a tattoo. Although I was not happy about this, I was curious to see what symbol of masculinity he had chosen. There, on his shoulder, was a two-inch image of Mickey Mouse.
(1) constantly adv. 不断地
(2) tattoo n. 文身
(3) permission n. 允许
(4) masculinity n. 阳性，男性
(5) image n . 形象，肖像
(6) Mickey Mouse 米老鼠
① When the son pleaded to be allowed to a tattoo, the mother thought her son was old enough to make an adult decision.
② A few days before his birthday, the son came home with a tattoo.
③ The mother wondered what symbol her son had chosen.
④ The image of Mickey Mouse on the son's shoulder was three inches long.
⑤ From the passage, we can see that the son really made an adult decision.
① F ② F ③ T ④ F ⑤ F
Kristin,, my 17-year-old niece, had just gotten her driver's license and offered to take her mom's car to the gas station. She pulled up to the full-service pumps, and the attendant asked, "What grade, miss?"
"Eleventh!" Kristin replied.
① niece n.侄女 ④ full-service n.昼夜服务
② license n.驾驶执照 ⑤ pump n.加油机
③ pull up 停止
(1) How old was Kristin?
(2) What had she just gotten?
(3) what did she offer to do one day?
(4) What did the attendant mean by asking "What grade, miss?"
(5) How did Kristin misunderstand the attendant?
① Seventeen years old.
② She has just gotten her driving license.
③ She offered to take her mother's car to the gas station.
④ He wanted her to select the proper kind of gas for the car.
⑤ She thought that the attendant was asking which grade she was in at school.
Were on That Mountain Over There
My son and I became lost while hiking high in the southern Rockies. I immediately went to work with my map and compass to determine where we had gone off course. My son, an electronics engineer, produced from his pack a hand-held Global Positioning System receiver.
"I know exactly where we are, " he proudly announced, after carefully locking the instrument on four satellites high above the earth and checking his map. "We're on that mountain there!"
(1) hike v.远足;徒步旅行
(2) Rockies n.(美国)落基山脉
(3) compass n.罗盘
(4) go off course 走下了道
(5) electronics n.电子学
① Why did the mother and son become lost in the southern Rockies?
A. Because they were hiking.
B. Because the Rockies were too high.
C. Because they were climbing too high.
D. Because they had gone off course.
② What's the use of a compass?
A. to determine where people have gone off course.
B. to show people the correct direction.
C. to make people confused about direction.
D. to make people work well
③ What was the son?
A. a mechanic
B. a tourist guide
C. an electronics engineer
D. a traveller
④ How many satellites did the son lock the instrument on?
⑤ What do you think of the son's way to solve the problem?
A. It was a clever way.
B. It was the only way.
C. It wouldn't solve their problem.
D. The son took too much of himself.
① D ② B ③ C ④ D ⑤C