学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-12
Where Do You Want These Blinds
A drill sergeant ordered two young female recruits to paint a room in the barracks, stressing that they not get any paint on their uniforms. Doubtful they could avoid ruining their clothes, the women locked the door, stripped naked and painted in nude. After about an hour they heard a knock at the door . "Who is it?" asked one of the women.
"Blind man, "came the reply.
Seeing no harm in letting a blind man in, they opened the door.
"Wow, what knockouts!" the man said with surprise. "Now, where do you want these blinds?"
(1) drill n .军事训练;操练如： The soldiers were at drill in the barrack square.兵士们在营房的操场上操练。
(2) sergeant n.中士
(3) recruits n.新兵
(4) barracks n.兵营;营房如：The barracks are quite new.那些营房相当新。
(5) doubtful adj.怀疑的;不能确定的
(6) ruin v.使毁灭;使败坏
(7) strip v.脱下;除去
(8) nude n.裸体人像
(9) knockouts n.动人的人或物
(10) blind adj.盲的;瞎的n.卷式窗帘
① Three young female recruits were ordered to paint the room.
② They were required not to get any paint on their uniforms.
③ The women painted the room in nude with the door unlocked.
④ The women thought a blind man could not see them naked.
⑤ "A blind man " in this passage refers to a man who makes or sends blinds.
Whose Dog Was the Smartest
Four friends were arguing over whose dog was the smartest. The first man, an engineer, called to his dog, "T Square, show your stuff. " The dog trotted over to a desk, pulled out a paper and pencil, and drew a perfect triangle.
The next guy, an accountant, called to his dog, "Slide Rule, go ahead. " The dog went to the kitchen, nibbled opened a bag of cookies and divided the contents into four equal piles.
The next man, a chemist, beckoned his dog, Beaker, to show what he could do. The dog went to the fridge, took out a quart of milk and poured out exactly eighty ounces into a measuring cup.
The last man was a government worker. "Coffee Break," he hollered to his dog, "go to it. " With that, the dog jumped to his feet, soiled the paper, ate the cookies and drank the milk.
(1) do (show) your stuff显显你的本领;露一手
(2) trot v. 疾走;快步走
(3) triangle n.三角形
(4) accountant n会计
(5) nibble v.轻咬
(6) beckon v.招手令他人走近或跟着来
(7) ounce n.盎司(重量单位，常衡为1/16磅)
(8) holler v.喊叫
(9) soil v.弄脏;弄污
① What were the four friends arguing about?
② What did the first man's dog do?
③ How many parts did the second man's dog divide the cookies into?
④ How much milk did the third man's dog pour into the measuring cup?
⑤ Can we find out whose dog was the smartest?
① They were arguing about whose dog was the smartest.
② He drew a perfect triangle.
④ Eight ounces.
⑤ The fourth man's dog was the smartest.
What Will Be the Headline
When a man in Macon, Ga. , came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal. "
The hero, however, told the journalist that he wasn't from Macon.
"Well, then," the reporter said, the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog. '"
"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."
"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline will read ,'Yankee Kills Family Pet.'"
(1) Ga. Georgia的缩写(美国的)乔治亚州
(2) come upon 偶然遇见
(3) grab v.抓取;揽取
(4) throttle v.勒死;缢死
(5) congratulate v.祝贺
(6) vicious adj. 凶恶的
(7) Connecticut n.(美国)康涅狄格州
(8) huff n.发怒
(9) Yankee n.(美国南北战争中)北部诸州的人;北方佬
① The man carne from Macon, Ga.
② The man killed the dog with a knife.
③ At first, the reporter was pleased with what the man had done.
④ The reporter thought that the man was a local person.
⑤ We can see from the passage that the reporter didn't like a person from Connecticut.
① F ② F ③ T ④ T ⑤ T