学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-12
A Clever dog
A dog owner claimed that his pet, when given money, would go to the news stall to buy a paper. His friend insisted on a demonstration and handed the dog some money - The dog trotted off, but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper.
"How much did you give him?" asked the owner.
"Well, that explains it. When you give him five dollars, he goes to a movie."
(1) claim v.声称
(2) when given money是 when he
was given money 的省略
(3) news stall n.售报亭
(4) insist on 坚持
(5) demonstration n.演示
(6) trot off 小步跑开
① What could the dog do, according the owner, when it was given money?
A. It could trot.
B. It could understand the news.
C. It could go to the news stall to buy a paper.
D. It could tell the news on a paper.
② Why did his friend insist on a demonstration?
A. Because he had a doubt about it.
B. Because he wanted to see whether this dog was as good as his .
C. Because he had too much money to know how to spend it.
D. Because he liked this game.
③ How much money should the man give the dog to make him buy a paper?
A. One dollar
B. Two dollars
C. Five dollars
D. It didn't say.
④ How long did the two men wait for the dog to return?
A. Half an hour
B. One hour
C. One and a half hour
D. Two hours
⑤ Where did the dog go, according to the owner?
A. To the news stall.
B. To the owner's house.
C. To the cinema
D. It was missing.
It Seemed like Hours
As a band instructor at an elementary school, I require my students to turn in practice sheets signed by their parents so I can be sure they are putting in enough time. I had to laugh, however, when one parent wrote on her child's sheet, "Practiced 17 minutes, but it seemed like hours.
(1) band n.乐队
(2) instructor n.指挥
(3) turn in上交;归还
(4) signed by their parents:由他们的父母签名的。这是一个分词短语作定语修饰sheets.
(5) so I can be sure they are putting in enough time:这样我才能确定他们投入了足够的时间。这是so that 引导的目的状语从句，其中that省略。
① The author is a member of the musical band at the elementary school.
② The instructor requires the students to hand in practice sheets once a month.
③ The purpose of the instructor's requirement is to make sure that the students are putting in enough time.
④ One child practiced for several hours, but the parent mistook for only 17 minutes.
⑤ From the passage we can infer that the parent is not keen on music.
To prevent our dog, Lacy, from pestering visitors to our house, my mother often massaged her as she lounged beneath the kitchen table, her favorite resting spot. One day a contractor came over to talk about a home-improvement project. As he and my mother sat across the table discussing the renovations, my mother slipped off her shoes and mindlessly soothed Lacy with her feet. My mother had been talking for about a half-hour when to her great embarrassment she heard Lacy bark outside the front door.
(1) prevent (from)v.避免;阻止
(2) pester v.使苦恼;困扰
(3) massage v.按摩;揉捏
(4) lounge v.懒洋洋地坐着或站着
(5) contractor n.承包商
(6) improvement n.改进;改善
(7) renovation n.修复;修理
(8) slip off滑脱;掉
(9) mindlessly adv.不注意地
(10) soothe v.抚慰;使镇静
(11) embarrassment n.局促;不安
① What kind of a dog was Lacy?
② What did the mother often do to make visitors feel at home?
③ Who came one day? What for?
④ How long had the mother been talking when she felt greatly embarrassed?
⑤ Why did she feel embarrassed?
① She is a dog that likes to pester visitors.
② She massaged her.
③ A contractor came for home-improvement project.
④ About a half-hour.
⑤ Because she was massaging not the dog but the contractor' s foot.
I Want to Get Out
A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a. m. and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang." What time do you open up in the morning ?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.
The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. "Listen," the owner shouted ,"there's no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn't let a person in your condition in-"
"I don't want to get in," the caller interjected. "I want to get out
(1) obviously adv.明显的
(2) inebriated adj.酒醉的
(3) slam v.砰然放下
(4) interject v.突然插话
①A bar owner locked ______ his place at 2 a. m. and went home to sleep.
② He heard an obviously ______ man inquire.
③ The owner was so furious, he _______ down the receiver and went back to bed.
④ A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the____ voice ask the ______question.
⑤ There is no ______in asking me what time I open.
① up ② inebriated ③ slammed ④ same ;same⑤ sense
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
(1) inform v.告诉
(2) nest n.窝;巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓励
(5) resemble v. 相似;类似
① The teacher was told by a boy student that a bird had built a nest in the tree outside the classroom.
② The teacher was greatly surprised when she heard the news.
③ The child told the teacher where the bird had gone.
④ The teacher wanted to seize the chance to get the child to learn how to describe a thing.
(5) The child did give a vivid description.