学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-14
An Adult Decision
The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a tattoo, but Irefused to sign permission for one. He argued that soon he would be a man and he should beable to make adult decisions. Sure enough, a few days after his 18th birthday, he come homewith a tattoo. Although I was not happy about this, I was curious to see what symbol ofmasculinity he had chosen. There, on his shoulder, was a two-inch image of Mickey Mouse.
You're Not Going to Make it
Gravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife. After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway.
"Your husband is very sick, " the doctor said, "but there are three things you can do to ensure his survival. First, fix him three healthful, delicious meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment , and don't complain about anything. Finally, make passionate love to him every day.
On the drive home the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"
"I'm sorry, " she said, "but you're not going to make it."
What Will Be the Headline
When a man in Macon, Ga. , came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbedthe animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated theman and told him the headline the following day would read, "Local Man Saves Child by KillingVicious Animal. "
The hero, however, told the journalist that he wasn't from Macon.
"Well, then," the reporter said, the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by KillingDog. '"
"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."
"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline will read ,'Yankee Kills Family Pet.'"
I'm a police officer
When my husband, Jack, was a police officer, he once approached a home guarded by two ferocious dogs. They lunged at the screen door with such force that it opened, and they tore out into the yard.
Thinking quickly, Jack, stepped into the house, closing the door tightly behind him. " It's all right, ma'am," he reassured the homeowner " I'm a police officer."
"Not a very brave one," 'she observed.
A Tough Teacher
A school teacher friend of mine injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around theupper part of his body. On his first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he wasassigned to teach the most undisciplined class. Stepping confidently into the rowdyclassroom, he opened the window as wide as possible. Just then, a strong breeze made his tieflap. Trying to fix the tie , he took a blackboard eraser and hammered a large tack through histie into his chest.
He had no trouble with discipline that term.