学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-18
蜗牛买跑车snail and car
There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
曾经有只蜗牛，它对自己动作慢的名声感到了厌恶和疲倦。他决心去弄些跑得飞快的轮子来改变这种境况。逛了一圈之后，它决定买Datson 240-Z。他去了最近的Datsun经销店，去买Datson 240-Z，但是它想把这辆车重新刷漆，改称240-S。 经销商问：“为什么是S呢?” 蜗牛回答说：“‘s’代表蜗牛。我想让每一个看见我呼啸而过的人知道是谁在开车。” 经销商不想失去把汽车卖给蜗牛这样一个机会，所以他同意收取些许费用，把车重新涂漆。 蜗牛开着它的新车，把自己的余生都用在了快乐地高速行使在告诉公路上。而不论何时任何人看见它飞驰而过的时候，都会说：“哦!看那S-car 。”
死后重生Life After Death
Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterdayto go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.
Very stupid robbersTwo robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens.Jump!"
The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!"The first one screamed back, "This is notime to be superstitious!"
Good Points and Bad Points
"This house," said the real-estate salesman, "has both its good points and bad points. To showyou I'm honest, I'm goint to tell you about the disadvantage - there is a chemical plant oneblock south and a slaughterhouse one block north."
"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.
"The good thing about it," said the agent, "is that you can always tell which way the wind isblowing."
请朋友吃饭 Friend for Dinner
Honey, said the husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.
What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty,and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!
I know all that.
Then why did you invite a friend for supper?
Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.
向肖伯纳求婚 Marriage Proposal to Bernard Shaw
Once a beautiful and dissolute British actress wrote to propose marriage to Bernard Shaw. Shesaid she did not mind Bernard Shaw’s old age and ugliness because he was a genius. And ifthey could combine the beauty of the woman with the talents of the great man，that would begreatly harmonious. “With your wisdom and my appearance，our children must be perfect.”
Bernard Shaw answered，in a letter，that her imagination was splendid，“But，what if thechildren take my appearance and your wisdom?”