学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑:韦彦 发布时间:2016-09-18




  If I Am a Manager


  One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – if I Am a Manager.


  All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.


  “I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.



  A Man of Actions


  A crowd of student was gathered on the campus of Oxford University. “You can have nodoubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the Dean does not take back what he said tome this morning, I’ll leave Oxford this very evening!”

  一群学生聚在牛津的校园里,一个年轻人情绪激动地叫道:“毋庸置疑,如果那个家伙不收回他今早  对我说的话,我今晚就离开牛津。”

  A buzzing noise followed. “What a man of actions!” one said in admiration. “How should wesupport him and learn from him!” said another.


  Suddenly, a girl asked, “What did the Dean say to you, Hob?”


  He bent and whispered to her, “Well,er•••er•••Miss Rose, er•••he told me to get clean awayfrom Oxford this very evening!”




  第一次坐飞机 First Flight

  Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about airaccidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr.Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that itwas very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.


  His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson hadheard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he wasextremely frightened and closed his eyes.


  After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and saidto his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"


  "Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."



  第一次与最后一次 My First and My Last

  When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon becamevery good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.


  George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane.Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, soI'll go."


  They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.


  When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend ina shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."


  Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"


  "Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.






  "Larry! Come here!" said his furious mother, putting the telephone down, " I’ve just had a callfrom Mrs. Harrison about your behavior to her Doris at the school dance last night. Youwretched, rude boy!"


  "I was nice to her, Mum, really I was!" protested the youth."I even paid her a compliment whenwe had a dance."


  "Did you, indeed?" said his mother grimly, "And what exactly did you say?"


  "I said, Gosh, Doris, you sweat less than any fat girl I’ve ever danced with!"



  其余的事由我负责 I'll See to the Rest

  A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on theplatform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.


  "Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"


  "Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.


  "You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."


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