学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-18
A stewardess (空中小姐) wore a sparkling gold necklace , a plane model as a drop, looking unique and professional. Detecting that somebody around was looking at her, she asked gracefully: “Is it pretty?” “Very pretty, but the airport looks more fascinating(迷人的).” The other party wisecracked(说俏皮话).
Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, thewading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on thesecond day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of theirvacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Doyou realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
Boxing and Running
Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, soI’m teaching my boy to fight."
Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also beentaught how to box."
Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."
Who do you think you are?
The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let himaboard.
“It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”
“I am the driver.” he said.
The Looney Bin
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院)one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Anotherone said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about thefuture until he gets a wife.
One Side of the Case
A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.
"I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.
"Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.
"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."
The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. Whenthe guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.
"What's in here?" he asked.
"Dirt," the driver replied.
"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."
Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothingbut dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.
A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.
"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.
"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.
Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.
The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to theguard that he quit and became a bartender.
Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying overto him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me afavor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."
Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars."