学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-18
Contented Married Life
A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life, "My wife makes all the small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other's business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and no arguments."
"That sounds reasonable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisions does your wife make?"
"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that."
His friend was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"
"Well," answered the man, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that."
A youngster asks a girl who comes to the date:" Is this your date with the young man for thefirst time? "" Too bloody right. Gee, how are you men all always asking this question?"
Wang-Ning, News network host hastened home by motorcycle after work., his girlfriend Liu-Chunyan sat behind him on the pillion, who was dainty and cute children program hostess. Adevoted audience recognized him suddenly, saying "hello" passionately:" Hi, you pick up yourchild back?"
A peddler sold earthen basins in the wayside, he chanted as knocked :"Earthen basin is round,beautiful and solid, judging by the sound, they are all good." At the time of his knocking, thatearthen basin was broken into pieces with a crack(爆裂声) . Lookers-on burst into the roarsof laughter. He threw the fragments(碎片，残片) without extra trouble into paddy(稻谷，稻田) field, but an experienced peasant from the crowd did not let him off(放过，不惩罚)easily:" How the deuce (强式特指问句) can you throw them into my field? They’ll impede mygrowing crops!" The peddler who sold earthen basins tried to explain it away promptly:"Nothing, the fragments will be converted into powder as soon as they absorbed water ."[qh]
吃一堑,不长一智 A Fall Into the Pit,Not Gain In the Wit
A policeman escorted a habitual criminal passing by a mountain village. Seeing containsundries store at village end, the recidivist put forward to buy a of pack cigarette. Thepoliceman pondered over:You seized the chance to escape last time like so. Hum, Cut it out.Therefore he said to the prisoner:" You wait here, I go to buy." While coming back, he foundthe repeater missing still. 一个警察押着一个惯犯来到一个小山村。见村头有家杂货店，犯人提出要进去买包香烟。警察想：你上次就是这样借机逃跑的，哼，少来这一套。于是，他对犯人说：“你在这等着，我进去买。”回来时，犯人还是不见了。
超速的理由 Excuse for speeding
A cop pulled a car over on the highway for speeding.
When he asked for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding? But officer, I was onlytrying to keep a safe distance between my car and the car in back of me."