学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-18
A new dorm rule was announced.
“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students.
"Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
"Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60."
"Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
"At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, “Er... How much for a season pass?"
Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principleof water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at thepublic bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran downthe street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.我们的物理教授千方百计引导我们讨论阿基米德的排水原理。他告诉我们阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡，他进入池子，发现水涨高了，溢出池沿。他对这一发现十分激动，跑到街上高叫：“Eureka，Eureka!”教授问我们谁知道他喊的是什么意思。One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked ! I'm naked!"一个学生站起来答道：“我光屁股啦，我光屁股啦!”
狗也知道这个谚语吗?Does dog know the proverb?
little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。"It's allright," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don'tbite?"“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你不知道这条谚语吗：“吠狗不咬人。””"Ah, yes," answeredthe little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗?”
失踪 Disappearing Act
When a woman reported her husband missing, the officer in charge looked at the photographshe handed him, then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him. "Yes," she replied readily. "Tell him my mother isn't visiting after all."
Running a red light
Two guys were riding down the street in a car. They come to a red light. The driver runs the redlight. The passenger cries out "Hey, why did you do that?" The driver says, "Don't worry aboutit, my brother does it all the time."
They came to another red light, and the same thing happens. The passenger is visibly upsetand threatens to get out of the car the next chance he gets. At the next light, which is green,the driver slams on his brakes and comes to a screeching halt(停).
The passenger is confused and asks, "What the heck is wrong with you? You ran two redlights but you stop at the green one."
The driver responds: "My brother might be coming from the other way!"
The amazing golf ball
A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up tohim, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"
The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"
"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"
“是一个很特别的高尔夫球 - 一个永远不会被弄丢的球!”
"you can never lose it"，scoffs the golfer, "What if you hit it into the water?
"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spinstowards it."
"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"
"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyesclosed."
"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"
"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golfball!"
The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you getit?"
"I found it."