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学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑:韦彦 发布时间:2016-09-18





  A Boeing 747 was flying in the night sky of the Pacific Ocean. The captain got on the loud speaker:" Travellers, one of our engines was out of order , therefore we’ll arrive in Tokyo an hour late ."


  After a short while, the trumpet rang out again:" Everybody, the second one of our four engines went wrong, we will reach Tokyo late three hours as a result." At this time, the passengers started disturbance.


  Someone said:" In case another engine is down again , we’ll be up here all night." Moreover, a chap got to shouting unendurably:" I do not choose to take your awful airplane any longer, let me get off quickly."




  The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oraltest.


  Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patientwho walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chairweeping uncontrollably the next?"


  A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"





  Three sons discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "Ibuilt a big house for our mother."The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."Thethird smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. Remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible?And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entireBible. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."  Soonthereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks.  She wrote one son, "the house you built isso huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." She wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use theMercedes."  "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to knowwhat your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

  三个儿子商量给年迈的妈妈买什么礼物好。  大儿子说,“我给妈妈建一幢大房子。”二儿子说,“我给她买一辆奔驰。”三儿子笑着说,“你们的礼物都不好。还记得妈妈多喜欢读圣经吗?现在她视力不大好看不了了。我送她一只鹦鹉,会背诵圣经的。妈妈只要起个头,它就可以接着背下去。”  不久之后,妈妈分别给三人发了感谢信。她给大儿子写道,“你建的房子太大了,我只能住一间屋,可是要打扫整幢房子的卫生。”她给二儿子写道,“我太老了,没法出门旅行。大部分时间呆在家里,很少用车。”“亲爱的,”她跟小儿子说,“妈妈的心思你最明白,那只小鸟的味道美极了。”



  Heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando.


  "When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step."


  "If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language.Thank you."





  A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen,"said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy thewatch, and we forget about this?"


  The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This isa little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"




  A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that theyhad ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully dividedthe hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had halfof them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of hiswife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.


  The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them sothat they didn't have to split theirs.


  The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always beenand will always be shared, 50/50."


  The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn withthe teeth."



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