学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-18 15:04:44
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard hiswife'svoiceurgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going thewrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Two ladies were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,
"Seems like all Alfred and I do is fight. I've been so upset that I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.
"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."
An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. Shetold her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, shewanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales.
"Bloomingdales!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."
A lorry driver makes inquiry of a mountaineer :" Excuse me, where can I buy the autoaccessories in the neighborhood ?" Mountaineer says:" Some people usually drive heroic car onthe road .There is a abrupt turn ahead not far from here, and a clough just below it, where youcan find all kinds of the auto accessories . You will spend no money at all."
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby.The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert; don't scream, Albert; don'tyell, Albert; keep calm, Albert."
A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to be commended for trying to sootheyour son, Albert."
The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."