学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-18
At 2 a. m. Mrs. Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living-room. Tiptoedown-stairs, she told her husband, "Don' t turn on the lights. Sneak up him before he knowswhat's happening."Dutifully Mr. Culkin put on his robe. Just as he reached the bedroom door,his wife added, "And when you come back, bring me a glass of milk."
No matter which girls he brought home, the young man found disapproval from his mother. Afriend gave him advice."Find a girl just like your mother -- then, she's bound to like her." Sothe young man searched and searched, and finally found the girl. He told his friendlyadviser:"Just like you said, I found a girl who looked, talked, dressed, and even cooked likemother, And just as you said, mother liked her". "So," asked the friend, "whathappened?""Nothing," said the young man. " My father hates her!".
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request tohis wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. 伯尼被邀请到朋友家吃晚餐。莫里斯，也是请客的主人，在每个客人面前都称他的妻子为亲爱的、我的爱人、甜心等等。
Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that youhave been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head andwhispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."
When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told methat the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for meto read the printer's directions and try the job myself.
Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discouragebusiness?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs ifwe let people try to repair things themselves first."
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.
Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have anexcuse to leave.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I havesome bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
Gravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife. After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway.
"Your husband is very sick, " the doctor said, "but there are three things you can do to ensure his survival. First, fix him three healthful, delicious meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment , and don't complain about anything. Finally, make passionate love to him every day.
On the drive home the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"
"I'm sorry, " she said, "but you're not going to make it.