学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-29 18:02:08
New business was opening 开业大吉
A new business was opening ... and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ..
'Congratulations on your new location!'"
Nobody available 谁都没空
I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in the shed. She could see from the bedroom window.
As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned the police, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available.
I said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've shot them all."
Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
No Problem 没问题
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop.
"How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain.
If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000."
"No problem," said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.
The phone rang in the obituary department of the local newspaper. "How much does it cost to have an obituaryprinted"? asked the woman.
"It's five dollars a word, ma'am," the clerk replied politely. "Fine," said the woman after a moment."Got a pencil?" "Yes ma'am." "Got some paper?""Yes ma'am."
"Okay, write this down: 'Cohen dead'." "That's all?" asked the clerk disbelievingly. "That's it." "I'm sorry ma'am, I should have told you - there's a five word minimum."
"Yes, you should've," snapped the woman. Now let me think a minute... okay, got a pencil?" "Yes ma'am.""Got some paper?" "Yes, ma'am." "Okay, here goes: 'Cohen dead. Cadillac for Sale.'"