学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-29
A Special Guest 特别来宾
A lawyer finds himself at the Pearly Gates at the same time as the pope. Both men are allowed to enter heaven, and the lawyer is ensconced in a magnificent mansion. But he sees that the pope is housed in a far more humble dwelling. Unable to restrain his curiosity, the lawyer asks St. Peter about it.
“Well, you see,” replies St. Peter, “we have dozens of popes up here, but we’ve never had a lawyer before.”
Jee Talk about Luck! 好运跟着保险来
“For the last time, I don’t want any insurance!” said the harassed householder to the salesman.
“Just a moment, sir. Please consider this: Just last month I sold a policy to a man much like yourself. The very next day his house caught fire. The house was completely gutted. To save himself, he had to leap from an upstairs window; he landed on his own car, went through the roof, broke both his legs and an arm.”
“Well, he was one of the lucky ones, wasn’t he?”
Thanks a Lot Sarge 多谢了，班长
The sergeant had just completed the morning inspection of the troops.
“Before I dismiss you, there’s just one announcement. Private Kowalski, your mother is dead. Dismissed.”
“解散之前，有件事要宣布一下，二等兵卡瓦斯基，你母亲已经过 世了。解 散!”
The soldier was devastated, of course, and the lieutenant was appalled at the sergeant’s heartlessness.
“For Heaven’s sake, sergeant, next time you have to inform a trooper of a loved one’s demise, please be a little more subtle,” he said.
A few weeks later, sorry to say, the sergeant had another opportunity. Lining up his troops, he ordered, “All of you whose mother is still alive, step forward. Not you, Johnson.”
all’s well that ends well 结局好的就是好
three rather deaf friends met on a street corner.
“windy today, isn’t it?” said the first.
“no, it’s thursday,” said the second.
“me too; let’s go get a drink,” said the third.
And you Think You’ve Got Problems 你认为你有问题吗?
“Boy, have I got problems!” the man said to the psychiatrist.
“Go ahead and tell me about them.”
“Well, to start with, I’ve got an estate in the country, three Mercedes and a luxury yacht.”
“So,what’s the problem?”
“I’m only make $100 a week! ”
Now That Hurts! 我的牙齿好痛喔!
The world’s cheapest man finally went to the dentist to have his teeth fixed.
“Well, sir,” said the dentist, “I’m afraid you’ve waited too long to get these teeth attended to. They’ll all have to come out.”
“How much will that cost?” inquired the skinflint.
“A thousand dollars.”
“Here’s a hundred,” said the tightwad. “Just loosen them up a bit.”