学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-30
You Do Have a Problem 你真是有问题了!
A man reported to his doctor that he was having trouble going to the bathroom.
“Do you urinate in the morning?” asked the doctor.
“Yeah, every morning at six o’clock.”
“And how are your bowel movements?”
“Seven o’clock very morning, just like clockwork.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I don’t get up until eight.”
The Bigger They Are, the Harder They Fall 爬得越高，跌得越重
The psychiatrist was a bit perturbed. He had cured his patient of his delusions but still the man did not seem happy.
“What’s the matter, Mr. Jones?” he inquired. “Aren’t you glad to be dealing with the world realistically?”
“Oh, sure, Doc, sure.... Only, last year I was Genghis Khan and now I’m nobody!”
Who Cut the Cheese? 谁在放屁?
A young man was visiting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time. He had been quite nervous about it, and his nervousness was manifesting itself as gastric distress. Agonizingly, he felt the urgent need to release some intestinal gas. Surreptitiously, he emitted a “silent but deadly.”
“Rover!” the girlfriend’s mother admonished.
The young man realized that the family dog was sitting under his chair, and saw a way out of his difficulties.
“Rover!” shouted the mother.
Thinking his problems were over for sure, the young guy emitted a real window-rattler.
“Rover!” cried the mother, “get over here before he shits on you!”
At Least You Get a Choice 至少你有所选择
A newly deceased sinner had just entered hell, and was being shown around.
“I’ll tell you how it works around here,” declared a particularly hideous devil. “You get your choice of three punishments. Here’s the first.”
The sinner watched in horror as he saw men and women repeatedly being immersed in boiling water.
“Here’s the second.” The poor sinner shuddered as he saw unfortunate people being continually hounded by ferocious beasts and cruel demons.
“And here’s the third.” A group was standing knee-deep in shit and sipping tea.
“Well, this seems alright,” said the sinner. “I’ll take this one.”
And he joined the group.
No sooner had he done so than another devil yelled out “OK, tea-time’s over. Get back on your heads.”