英语课堂幽默笑话

英语课堂幽默笑话

　　下面是学习啦小编整理的英语课堂幽默笑话，希望对大家有帮助。

　　英语课堂幽默笑话：两颗番茄

　　he first tomato has no answer, the second tomato asked again. The tomato has no answer, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned slowly, said: "we are not tomatoes? We can talk?"

　　两颗番茄去逛街，第一颗番茄突然走得很快，第二颗番茄就问：“我们要去哪里?” 第一颗番茄没有回答，第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗番茄还没回答，所以第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗番茄终于慢慢转头说：“我们不是番茄吗?我们会说话吗?”

　　英语课堂幽默笑话：相同的职责

　　The Same DutiesA retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army," the general said. "Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast." Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."

　　相同的职责一个退休的四星级将军在曼哈顿的一个酒吧偶然地遇到了他以前的勤务兵，勤务兵也退休在家。这位将军花了一整个晚上的时间来说服他回来做他的贴身随从。“你的职责与在军队时完全一样，”将军说，“这没什么，你很快就会再次理解它的。” 第二天早晨八点钟时，前勤务兵迅速地进到前将军的卧室，拉开窗帘，轻轻地摇了摇将军，然后大步走到床的另一侧，在他雇主的妻子屁股上拍了一下，说道：“好了，甜心，你该回到村庄去了。”

　　英语课堂幽默笑话：你爷爷

　　A well dressed young man demanded as soon as he entered the restaurant:"Serve me, quick! Give me your best. I don't care the price."Not like the way he talked, the waiter said to him: "Hey Buddy, it doesn't matter you have a lot of money. You are still son of somebody, and grandson of somebody else."The young man raged: "Dare you! Tell me, who wants me to be his grandson?"The waiter replied with ease: "Nobody. Just your grandfather."

　　一位衣冠楚楚的年青人一进饭店就大声嚷嚷：“喂，有什么好菜尽管端上来，钱多少我不在乎。”服务员听了很不是滋味：“哥儿们，钱多顶个屁，你不照样得做别人的儿子，就是有人要你做孙子你也不敢不做!”年青人勃然大怒：“谁敢占老子的便宜?你说，是谁不要命了，胆敢要老子做他的孙子?”服务员慢条斯理地答道：“你爷爷!”

　　英语课堂幽默笑话：她要买什么

　　A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma’am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting soon.Horrified, the manager came runningover to the customer and said, Of course, we'll have somesoon, We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside: Never, never, never say we are out of anything say we've got it on order and it's coming.Now what was it she wanted? Rain, said the clerk.

　　一个商店经理听见一个店员对顾客说：不，夫人，这会儿没有，一时半会儿看来也不会有。经理惊恐万分地跑到顾客跟前说：当然，马上就会有的。我们上周订了货。然后经理把店员拉到一边：千万，千万，千万不要说我们没有什么，说我们已经订了货，货马上就到。现在你说她要买什么? 雨，店员说。

　　英语课堂幽默笑话：现在几点了

　　The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they couldn't figure out what time it was, the first boy said to the second, "Start singing very loud."

　　"How will that help?" said the second boy.

　　"Just do it," insisted the first.

　　Both boys broke into song, singing at the top of their lungs. Moments later, a neighbor threw open her window and shouted, "Keep it down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"

　　两个男孩子在后院露营，他们不知道到了晚上几点钟。于是，一个男孩对另外一个说：“我们开始大声唱歌就行了。”

　　“那就会知道时间吗?”第二个男孩问。

　　“只管唱吧。”第一个坚持道。

　　两个孩子开始大声唱歌，过了一会儿，一个邻居打开窗户喊道：“小声点!你们不知道现在是凌晨三点吗?”

　　英语课堂幽默笑话：是我把他晾干

　　Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

　　When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.

　　"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."

　　Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."

　　Jim和Mary都是精神病院里的病人。一天，他们沿着医院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水区，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潜到水底，把Jim拉了上来。

　　当院长听闻了Mary的英勇行为后，他立刻翻看了她的病历档案,把她叫进了自己的办公室.

　　“Mary，我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，这说明你的意识已经恢复了，你可以出院了。坏消息就是，Jim，你救的那个病人，他还是用自己的浴袍带子在浴室上吊自杀了。”

　　Mary说：“他没有自杀，是我把他吊起来好让他晾干。”

　　英语课堂幽默笑话：A Woman's answer

　　A husband said to his wife, " Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish?"

　　"Well," his wife answered at once." The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us; God made us foolish so we would marry them."

　　一位丈夫对他的妻子说：“为什么上帝把妇女创造得如此美丽却又愚蠢呢?” “噢，”他的妻子立刻回答道，“原因很简单。上帝使我们如此美丽，男人才会爱我们。上帝使我们如此愚蠢，我们才会嫁给他们。”

　　英语课堂幽默笑话：Only One Eye to Settle On

　　The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"

　　"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.

　　姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我?” “怎么没告诉你?”媒人也不甘示弱，“你们第一回见面后，我就说，他一眼就看中你了。”

　　英语课堂幽默笑话：You May Select可以选择

　　The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.

　　One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?"

　　The wife said, "You may select the dish today."

　　The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"

　　"Cabbage."

　　"The others?"

　　"None."

　　"Then how to select?"

　　"Eat or not eat!" the wife said.

　　丈夫抱怨妻子总是做同样的一种菜。

　　一天，丈夫回到家，问妻子：“亲爱的，今天我们吃啥菜?”

　　妻子回答：“今天你可以选择。” 丈夫感到非常高兴，又问：“都有哪些菜呢?”

　　“炒白菜。”

　　“还有呢?”

　　“没了。”

　　“那你要我怎么选呢?”

　　“吃还是不吃!”妻子一本正经地说道。

　　英语课堂幽默笑话：Two roaches 两只蟑螂

　　Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines.""Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

　　两只蟑螂正在一条小巷的垃圾堆上大吃着，其中的一只谈起了它在一家新开张的餐馆里的经历。“那时我在街对面的那家新餐馆里，”它说。“那里太干净了!厨房没有一点污渍，地面闪着白光。任何地方都没有垃圾。那里是如此干净，整个地方都在发光。”“请不要在我吃东西的时候说这个好吗?”另一只蟑螂不悦地说。

　　英语课堂幽默笑话：我需要器官移植

　　The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these?" Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."

　　这个病人显得很坚决。“医生，我需要做肝脏移植、肾脏移植、心脏移植、角膜移植、脾脏移植、胰腺移植和……” “你为什么认为你需要做这么多移植手术?”病人回答：“哦，是这样，我的老板说如果我这个人不重新组装的话，就别想保住我的工作!”

　　英语课堂幽默笑话：埋在花园里的枪

　　Guns Buried in the Garden An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden. He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

　　一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。”第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。” 老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。 儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。”