经典幽默英语笑话
经典幽默英语笑话
下面是学习啦小编整理的一些关于have用法总结，希望对大家有帮助。
经典幽默英语笑话：
Put your feet in
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
把脚放进去
一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。“玛丽!”老师严厉地叫她。“什么事，老师?”这女学生问。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。”
经典幽默英语笑话：
Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.
'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'
'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.
玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟，一天对他抱怨说：“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。”
“不用担心，亲爱的，所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着说。
经典幽默英语笑话：
Give up your seat to a lady
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
给女士让座
小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，他叫我让座给一位女士。”
妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”
“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”
经典幽默英语笑话：
Give up your seat to a lady
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
给女士让座
小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，他叫我让座给一位女士。”
妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”
“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”
经典幽默英语笑话：
Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
大五个月
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
经典幽默英语笑话：
I would practice perseverance more often,
and never give up a thing If we want light, we must conquer darkness.
Perseverance can sometimes equal genius in its results.
“There are only two creatures," syas a proverb,
“who can surmount the pyramids-the eagle and the snail."
If I were a boy again, I would school myself into a habit of attention;
I would let nothing come between me and the subject in hand.
I would remember that a good skater never tries to skate in two directions at once.
The habit of attention becomes part of our life, if we begain early enough.
I often hear grown up people say " I could not fix my attention on the sermon or book,a
although I wished to do so" , and the reason is, the habit was not formed in youth.
If I were to live my life over again, I would pay more attention to the cultivation of the memory.
I would strengthen that faculty by every possible means, and on every possible occasion.
It takes a little hard work at first to remember things accurately;
but memory soon helps itself, and gives very little trouble.
It only needs early cultivation to become a power.
If I were a boy again
假如我又回到了童年，我做事要更有毅力，决不因为事情艰难或者麻烦而撒手不干，我们要光明，就得征服黑暗。
毅力在效果上有时能同天才相比。俗话说：“能登上金字塔的生物，只有两种——鹰和蜗牛。”
假如我又回到了童年，我就要养成专心致志的习惯;有事在手，就决不让任何东西让我分心。
我要牢记：优秀的滑冰手从不试图同时滑向两个不同的方向。
如果及早养成这种专心致志的习惯，它将成为我们生命的一部分。
我常听成年人说：“虽然我希望能集中注意力听牧师讲道理或读书，但往往做不到。”
而原因就是年轻时没有养成这种习惯。
假如我现在能重新开始我的生命，我就要更注意记忆力的培养。
我要采取一切可能的办法，并且在一切可能的场合，增强记忆力。
要正确无误地记住一些东西，在开始阶段的确要作出一番小小的努力;
但要不了多久，记忆力本身就会起作用，使记忆成为轻而易举的事，只需及早培养，记忆自会成为一种才能。
经典幽默英语笑话：
An American, a Japanese, a Chinese expedition in the jungle. The results were captured by tribal cannibalism. Can be tribal chiefs, said: "I'm in a good mood today, do not eat you, but you have to pay one hundred board, but you can endure before the board to have a desire to achieve." Board is the first Americans to pay. He said: "before the board to pay, give me a seat bottom cushions." Pad stop, board-like falling rain; 合previous 70 boards, 70 boards were smashed after the cushion, and then is finished ... ...Antiaris , the United States left behind the old feeling. After seeing this, the Japanese asked the mattress 10. 1,2,3 ... 100 over, the Japanese rose,, all right; then the Zhang imitation of their capacity and ability to brag about a re-creation, and would like to sit while watching the show the Chinese people. Chinese people get on the ground slowly, carefree carefree said: "Come on, give me the Japanese mat."
一个美国人、一个日本人、一个中国人在丛林探险。结果全被吃人部落抓去了。可部落酋长说："我今天心情好，不吃你们，但你们都得挨一百板子，但在挨板子前你们可以有一个愿望实现。”先挨板子的是美国人。他说："挨板子前，先给我屁股垫上1个坐垫。”垫罢，板子雨点般落下;先前70板还凑合，70板之后坐垫被打烂，然后就是板板见血……打完，美国老摸着屁股走了。日本人见状后，要求10个床垫。1、2、3…100打完，日本人起身，拍拍屁股，没事;然后张着臭嘴对自己的模仿能力和再创造能力吹嘘一番，并想坐一边看中国人的好戏。中国人慢慢趴下，悠哉悠哉地说："来，把日本人给我垫上。”
经典幽默英语笑话：没想到那么贵
A shoplifter 51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样?”经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。”