英语搞笑笑话8则

英语搞笑笑话8则

　　下面是学习啦小编整理的英语搞笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

　　英语搞笑笑话：

　　A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."

　　蒙特利尔自助餐厅的一位顾客拧开盥洗室的龙头，结果被水烫伤了。“这太可恶了，”他抱怨道，“标着C的龙头流出的是开水。”(顾客以为是cold)

　　"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

　　“可是，先生，C代表Chaude-法语里代表‘热’。如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得知道这一点。”

　　"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."

　　“等等，”那位顾客咆哮一声，“另外一个龙头同样标的是C。”

　　"Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."

　　“当然，”经理说道：“它代表冷。毕竟，蒙特利尔是个双语城市。”

　　英语搞笑笑话：Pig or Witch 猪还是女巫

　　A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

　　译文1：一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪!!”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫!!”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。

　　英语搞笑笑话：

　　A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "It will rain tomorrow." The next day it rained.

　　一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处进行拍摄。一天，一个印度老人来到导演面前对他说：“明天会下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

　　A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, "There will be a storm tomorrow." The next day there was a storm.

　　一周以后，印度人又来了，他告诉导演说：“明天会有暴风雨。”果然，第二天有暴风雨。

　　"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

　　“这个印度人真神，”导演说。他告诉他的秘书去雇佣这个印度人来预测天气。

　　However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

　　然而，几次预测天气成功之后，这个印度人连续两周没有露面。

　　Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow," said the director. "And I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

　　最后，导演派人把这个印度人请来了。导演对他说：“我明天必须拍摄一个很重要的场景，全都指望你了，明天天气如何啊?”

　　The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "My radio is broken."

　　这个印度人耸了耸肩说道：“我不知道，我的收音机坏了。”

　　英语搞笑笑话：Who Should be Given the Present

　　A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, “Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told?” he inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: “You play with it, Daddy!”

　　一个有五个孩子的父亲带着一件玩具回到家里，把孩子们召集来问这件礼物应该给谁。“谁最听话，从不和妈妈顶嘴，让干什么就干什么?”他问道。大家都不吭声。过了一会儿，孩子们异口同声地说：“爸爸，您玩儿吧。”

　　英语搞笑笑话：年长者阶层

　　During the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in return.When he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "Can you imagine, " she said. "Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!医生按期来探视我的老母。我告诉他母亲不几天就要庆祝她98岁的生日了。医生听了也很高兴，为此，他弯下腰来亲了她一下。然后他说不几天他也要庆祝自己的生日，并要求她还他一个吻。医生走后，我母亲厌恶地摇摇头。“你能想象吗，”她说，“付了他70元，我还得亲他!”

　　英语搞笑笑话：没把头发全剪掉啊

　　Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him."Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time.""Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time.""Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time.""Yes, sir, that's quite true." Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."麦尔斯有时在上班时间去理发馆理发，但这是违反办公室规定的：职员只能利用自己的时间理发。一天，正当麦尔斯理发时，经理碰巧也进来理发，而且就坐在他旁边。“你好，麦尔斯，”经理说。“我看到你在上班时间理发了。”“是的，先生。正是这样。”麦尔斯平静地承认了。可先生，你看，头发是在上班时间长的。“不全都是吧，”经理立刻说，“有一些是在你自己的时间里长的。”“对呀，先生，你说得很对。”麦尔斯礼貌地回答说，“但我并没有把头发全都剪掉啊。”

　　英语搞笑笑话：谁是世界上第一个男人

　　A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.

　　“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”

　　“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”

　　一个老师问她的学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”老师带着宠溺的笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的人。”这时，有一个年龄稍大的男孩子举起手来，老师问他，“你认为谁是世界第一个男人?”男孩回答说：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是乔治华盛顿，因为历史书上说，乔治华盛顿和一个寡妇结婚了，所以在他之前，当然还有一个男的啦。”

　　英语搞笑笑话：没想到那么贵

　　A shoplifter 51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

　　一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样?”经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。”