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初中英语幽默笑话三则

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  “哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。”从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面学习啦小编为大家带来初中英语幽默笑话三则,希望大家喜欢!

  初中英语幽默笑话1:

  A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.

  She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.

  She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.

  She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

  He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

  But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"

  妻子睡了一小会儿后觉得自己好多了。而时间尚早,她也换了装去到舞会。她想到自己的丈夫并不知道自己换了什么装扮,于是打算偷偷观察一下丈夫在自己不在身边时的表现。

  到了舞会,妻子看到丈夫在舞池中和不同的姑娘热舞。她跟着也加入其中,她的丈夫也和她跳起舞来。跟着他们离开舞池,再跟着%*#@!#%¥(少儿不宜,省略数百字),而在期间,他们两人都没有摘下面具。

  之后妻子就先回家了。她坐下来读书、有点幸灾乐祸地等丈夫回来,看他要如何解释。

  跟着她的丈夫也回来了。她问:“今晚过的怎么样啊?”

  丈夫答道:“啊~ 还是老一套,你知道的,你不在我怎么会开心呢?”

  妻子又问:“你是不是跳了很多舞啊?”

  他答:“我一支曲子都没跳,我到了那儿就遇到彼得、布朗和其他几个兄弟,接着我们就去休息室打扑克打了一晚上。不过我听说……借走我面具和服装的那个家伙今天晚上倒玩得挺开心的!”

  初中英语幽默笑话2:

  An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

  一个伊利诺伊州男人离开他已经开始下雪的芝加哥的家、要去南方的福罗里达州度假。他的太太也正好在福罗里达出差,准备第二天跟他碰面。他到了酒店之后,打算先给她太太去一封邮件。

  Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

  因为找不到写下他太太邮件地址的那张纸条,所以他决定凭记忆发出这封信。可惜,他在输入地址的时候漏掉了一个字母,因而把这封邮件发到了另一位夫人的邮箱,这位夫人的牧师丈夫头天才刚刚过世。这个悲伤的寡妇打开邮箱,读完信后哀嚎一声、倒在地板上就死了。

  At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

  她的家人闻声赶来,发现电脑屏幕上留着这么一封信:

  Dearest Wife,

  亲爱的老婆:

  Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

  我刚刚住进来,一切都准备好了,就等你来。

  Your Loving Husband.

  你亲爱的老公。

  P.S. Sure is hot down here.

  另:这下面还真是热。

  初中英语幽默笑话3:

  Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

  某日,三个男人排队等着进天堂。而显然那一天天堂很忙,所以圣彼得走出来对第一个人说:“今天天堂快满员了,我只能让一个死的最可怜的人进去,来说说你是怎么死的吧。”

  The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

  第一个男人回答说:“这段时间以来我一直都怀疑我的老婆有了外遇,所以今天我就提早回家想要抓她个正着。我回到我位于25楼的公寓,我敢肯定有什么地方不对,但任凭我把房子翻了个底儿朝天也找不到那个男人。终于,当我搜到阳台的时候发现那个奸夫正吊在阳台的栏杆上!我气坏了,开始对他拳打脚踢,可你能相信吗?他居然就是掉不下去!于是我又返回屋里,拿了只锤子出来敲他的手。他终于掉下去了,但他居然只是掉进灌木丛,还是没死!我再也忍受不了了,进屋把冰箱抬了出来、整个儿给他砸下去……他终于死了。而我呢,这时也因为太过愤怒,心脏病发,也死在了阳台上。”

  "That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

  “那听起来是够惨的。”圣彼得说,于是让他进去了。

  The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

  轮到第二个男人,圣彼得解释了相同的事,要他说说自己的死亡原因。

  "It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

  “今天真是奇怪极了。看,我住26楼,每天早晨都在我的阳台上锻炼。今天一早,也不知怎么的,我踩滑了、掉下了楼。幸运的是,我及时抓住了25楼阳台上的栏杆。我知道即便如此我也撑不了多久,而恰好一个男人走到了阳台上来。我开心极了,想自己一定得救了。哪知道,他一过来就对我拳打脚踢、接着还进屋拿了一只锤子砸我的手指。我终于掉下去了。但我掉进了灌木丛,也只是晕了一下而已。我正想着我应该没事的,就看着从天而降一个冰箱,跟着我就到了这儿……”

  Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

  圣彼得不得不承认这家伙死的很惨,让他进了天堂。

  The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

  最后,终于轮到第三个男人了。圣彼得对他提出了相同的问题。

  "Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

  这个男人说:“看吧,我裸着身子、藏在冰箱里……”


 

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