英语爆笑冷笑话9篇
下面是学习啦小编整理的英语爆笑笑话，希望对大家有帮助。
英语爆笑笑话：
Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam."
"Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.
"Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.
在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”
“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。
“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。
英语爆笑笑话：
A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad(少年，小伙子) . What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny? asked one of them.
So he won't join the army, the youngster replied without blinking an eye.
一个小男孩牵着头驴子穿过部队营房。两名士兵想跟小家伙开个玩笑：小孩，你把你哥哥牵得这么紧干什么?
这样，他就不会去参军了。小家伙眼都不眨地回答道。
英语爆笑笑话：
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands.
老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么?
学生：大手。
英语爆笑笑话：
When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.
The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away?
杰克给人鞠躬，飞快地一点头，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂礼貌。于是便有好心的人教他说，下次鞠躬的时候，你就在心里数：一月、二月、……一直数到十二月为止，然后再直起身来。这样，礼节就周全了。
第二天，杰克见到他的叔叔，他便如法炮制。这躬鞠得太久，叔叔吃了一惊，赶紧逃开了。杰克抬头一看，其叔早已不知去向，他便问过路人：我叔叔几月走的?
英语爆笑笑话：
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺爱，宠爱) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。
他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?”
“哭?”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”
英语爆笑笑话：
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
英语爆笑笑话：
Returning from a golf outing(远足，短途旅行) , my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?
Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win, my husband hedged(避免作正面答复) . We just play to have fun.
Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?
丈夫打完高尔夫球回来，我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。爸爸，谁赢了高尔夫球比赛，是你还是理查叔叔?
我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢，丈夫推诿说。我们打球只是为了好玩而已。
莎拉毫不气馁，又问：那么，爸爸，谁觉得更好玩呢?
英语爆笑笑话：If I Am a Manager
One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – if I Am a Manager.
All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.
“I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.
一天课上，老师要同学们以“如果我是一个经理”为题写一篇作文。
所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。
“我在等我的秘书”。那孩子答道。
英语爆笑笑话：Isn’t it wonderful?
"What are you so happy about?"a woman asked the 98-year-old man.
"I broke a mirror," he replied.
"But that means seven years of bad luck."
"I know." he said, beaming,"Isn’t it wonderful?"
这难道不好吗?
“你高兴什么?”一个女士问一个98岁的老人。
“我打碎了一个镜子。”他回答。
“但那预示着7年的坏运气。”
“我知道。”他高兴地说，“这难道不好吗?”