节日英语笑话
1. Why are people tired on April Fool's Day? (愚人节人们为什么疲倦?)
答：Because they have just had a long March. ( 因为他们刚过了长长的三月。March 三月;行军)
2.What weather do mice and rats fear? (老鼠害怕什么天气?)
答：When it's raining cats and dogs.(下大雨。rain cats and dogs 下大雨 )
3.When do dogs refuse to follow their masters? (狗什么时候不愿跟随主人?)
答：When their masters go to the flea market.(主人去跳蚤市场时。Flea 跳蚤 flea market 旧货市场 )
4.What question can never be answered by “yes”? (哪个问题永远不能回答“是的”?)
答：Are you asleep? (你睡着了吗)
5.What tree is always very sad? (哪种树总是很伤心?)
答：Weeping willow. ( 垂柳 weep哭泣 willow柳树)
6.When can you get water with a net? (什么时候可以用网兜装水?)
答：When water is turned into ice. (当水结成冰时)
7.Why is the pig always eating?猪为什么没完没了地吃?
答：He's making a hog of himself.它想成为一只肉猪。
8.What's the longest word in the world?世界上最长的单词是什么?
答：Smiles. Because there's a mile between the letter 's'.微笑。因为两个字母S中间隔了一里。
9.What question is that to which you must always answer "yes"? 什么问题你只能回答“yes”?
答："What does y-e-s spell?" (当别人问你)“yes”怎么拼?
10.Where were you when the power was cut off? 当停电的时候你在哪?
答：In the darkness. 在黑暗中
关于圣诞节的英语笑话
A half-eaten egg was a result it becomes a leftover egg! I wish Merry Christmas
一个鸡蛋被吃剩半边，结果它变成了剩蛋!预祝圣诞快乐
The thief and the judge
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.
"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
法官与小偷
那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉?”他问。
“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。
“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早?”
在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。
Jesus's Telly
A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired.
"But what's that in the corner?" asked Mother.
"Oh, that's their telly," replied the tot.
耶稣的电视机
圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。
他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。
“可是那个角落里是什么?”妈妈问。
“噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。
What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?
Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe
圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?
答案：锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)
On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel. Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?
Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!
圣诞节前夕，圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯，门还未开前，三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票，猜猜谁会将它捡起?
答案：当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。
英语：If you have not received my Christmas present, it has to be because of - your socks have a big hole! Bu Bu it fast! !中文：如果你今天没收到我的圣诞礼物，那一定是因为--你的袜子有个大洞! 快补补吧!!
英语：a few days later I heard that you want to have eggs, that true? That I wish you lay eggs (Christmas) Happy! In a few days you have to Egg's full moon, I also wish you a round ahead of eggs (New Year's Day) Happy! Send中文：听说你过几天要生个蛋,真的吗?那我得祝你生蛋(圣诞)快乐!再过几天你的蛋蛋又要满月,那么我就也提前祝你圆蛋(元旦)快乐! 发送
英语：I wish to Santa Claus on Christmas Eve: I hope that no matter how bad your feet, wear socks when tomorrow morning, I'll give you receive the full blessing, the warmth of your heart and feet ㄚ子!中文：平安夜我向圣诞老人许愿：希望不管你脚多么臭，明早当穿起袜子时，能收到我给你的满满的祝福，温暖你的心和脚ㄚ子!