英语口语笑话
英语口语笑话
冷笑话是一种新兴的语言现象,也是一种出现在我们身边的不可忽视的新的语言现象。冷笑话不同于一般笑话,它以其独特的制笑机制,能瞬间创造出一种特殊的氛围。下面是学习啦小编精心收集的英语口语笑话，希望大家喜欢!
英语口语笑话篇一
Two brothers, Herbert and James, lived with their mother and a cat name Edgar.
"Edgar is dead," Herbert answered.
James was particularly attached to the cat, and when he had to leave town for several days, he left Herbert meticulous instructions about the pet's care. At the end of his first day away, James telephoned his brother. "How is Edgar?" he asked.
There was a pause. Then James said: "Herbert, you are insensitive. You know how close I was to Edgar-you should have broken the news to me slowly. When I asked about Edgar tonight, you should have said Edgar's on the roof, but you've called the fire department to get him down. And tomorrow when I called, you could have said the firemen were having trouble getting Edgar down, but you were hopeful they would succeed. Then when I called the third time, you could have told me that the firemen had done their best, but unfortunately Edgar had fallen off the roof and was at the veterinarian's. then when I called the last time, you could have said that although everything possible had been done for Edgar, he had died. That's the way a sensitive man would have told me about Edgar, and, oh, before I forget," James added, "How is mother?"
"Uh," Herbert said, pausing for a moment, "She is on the roof."
郝伯特和詹姆斯兄弟二人一起生活，家中有一老母并养了一只猫叫埃德加。
詹姆斯特别喜欢这只猫。有一次他要外出几天，临行前不厌其烦地嘱咐郝伯特照顾好这只宠物。出门后的头一天晚上，他打来电话询问：“埃德加好吗?”
“它死了，”郝伯格回答。
一阵沉默之后，詹姆斯说：“郝伯特，你太不善解人意了，你知道我与埃德加的关系有多么好——你应该慢慢告诉我这惊人的消息。当我问起埃德加今晚怎样时，你应该说埃德加爬上了屋顶，但是你已经叫消防的救它下来。’我明天又给你打电话时，你应该说消防队营救埃德加遇到了麻烦，但你相信他们会成功。在我第三天给你打电话时，你可以说消防队员已尽了最大努力，但很不幸，埃德加从屋顶上掉了下来，现在正在兽医那里。在我最后一次给你打电话询问，你可以说尽管对埃德加做了一切所能做的努力，它还是死了。这是顾及别人感情的人应该说的。哦，对了，我刚才忘了问你，”詹姆斯补充道，“妈妈怎么样了?”
“哦……”一阵沉默后郝伯特答道，“她上了屋顶。”
英语口语笑话篇二
Sam was near the end of his long life. His children stood by the bed, and they were waiting to hear his last words.
Finally, he said, "My children, your mother and I have been married for more than 50 years-and she can cook wonderfully. Even now I smell bread baking. Sarah, be good and go and get me a piece."
In a few minutes Sarah was back in the room. "Sarah," her father asked. "Where's the bread I asked you to get?" Mama says you can't have any, it's for the funeral tomorrow."
山姆的生命即将走到尽头，他的子女们都站在床边等着听父亲的遗言。
最后他开口说道：“孩子们，你们的母亲和我结婚50多年了，他的烹饪手艺简直棒极了。现在我还能闻到烤面包的香味呢。萨拉，去给我拿一片吧。”
几分钟后，萨拉回到屋里，“萨拉，” 父亲问，“我让你拿的面包呢?”“妈妈说不能吃，这是为明天的葬礼准备的。”
英语口语笑话篇三
Joe Schmidt, although very wealthy, was a tightwad.
One day he and his wife wanted to take a spin in an airplane over the city of New York.
The pilot said it would be 10 dollars a piece for a thirty-minute flight. "How about 10 dollars for both of us?" the stingy millionaire asked, "No way!" replied the pilot firmly. Schmidt pleaded earnestly with the pilot for quite a while. Since it was a slow day and there were not many customers, the pilot finally agreed. "Ok, I will take you and your wife for ten bucks on one condition: while in the air, you cannot make any noise. If I hear a peep out of you, that will cost you 20 dollars." Schmidt agreed reluctantly.
The plane took off without a hitch. Purposely, the pilot made somersaults(筋斗) and all kinds of tricks, just to scare the guy, when the plane finally landed, the pilot askedcredulously: "I have got to hand it to you. I didn't know how you managed to be so quiet. " "It's wasn't easy," confessed the tightwad. "I almost hollered(叫喊，抱怨) when my wife fell out."
乔·施密特虽然非常富有，却是个不折不扣的吝啬鬼。
一天，他和妻子打算乘飞机俯瞰全纽约。
飞行员每次飞行30分钟，每人10美元。吝啬鬼问道：“我们两个人10美元怎么样?”“不行!”飞行员斩钉截铁地回答道。施密特哀求了好一会儿。飞行员看当天生意不好，乘客也少，最终同意了他的请求。“好吧，你和你太太总共10美元，但条件是，在空中你们不能发出任何声音，如果我听见了你们当中有人出声，那就得付20美元了。”施密特不情愿的答应了。
飞机顺利起飞了，飞机驾驶员在空中翻跟斗，做出各种花样故意吓唬施密特。飞机着陆后，飞行员不解地问道，：“你真是太厉害了，你怎么能一直保持安静呢?”“其实要做到这点真的很难，当我老婆掉下飞机时，我差点就喊出来了。”这个吝啬鬼坦言道。
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