学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-29
The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor,"she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me.”
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam,”he said at length, “l've just three things to telf you. First,your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, l'm an artist,the doctor lives downstairs."
Are you a normal person?
During a visit to the mental asylum,a visitor asked the director, "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?""Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub,and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup,and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub."Oh,I understand,n said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup."Noooooooo! n answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug."
Who's going deaf ?
A man tells a doctor, ”I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do ? "
The doctor says, "VVell, trY to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question-If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. That way we can see how bad the problem is." The man goes home, sees his wife and says, "Hi honey, what's for dinner ? " He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer. "Honey, what's for dinner ? " He repeats this severaltimes, until he's standing right next to her. Finally,she answers, "For the tenth time, I said we-re having Pot Roast!"
a guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of thei head with a frying pan. he asks, "what was that for ?"she says, " i found a piece of paper in your pocket with'betty sue' written on it.' ha says, "jeez,honey, 'betty sue'was the name of the horse i bet on.h she shrugs and walks away.
three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. he asks, "what was that for?一she answers, "your horse called."
An absent-minded husband
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. At last he succeeded.
“Why are you so nervous?"I asked him.
"The numbers are the date of our annivorsary.my husband confessed.