学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-30
No Sweat! 不费吹灰之力
There were four passengers in the small aircraft as it sputtered over the Andes; a businessman, an inventor, a priest and a laid-back budget traveller.
Suddenly the pilot entered the cabin and told them the horrible news: “Gentlemen, the plane is going down. I’m going to try to crash-land it, but you must all jump.”
Naturally, the men were horrified, and even more so when they discovered that there were only three parachutes.
The businessman said, “Sirs, I employ thousands of people. Their lives and those of their families depend on me . I think you’ll agree that I must survive.” He promptly put on a parachute and leaped.
The inventor rose, already adjusting the straps. “I’m the smartest man in the world. My inventions have transformed the lives of millions. There’s no telling how much good I may yet do. Goodbye.” And he, too, jumped from the plane.
The priest was serene, and interrupted his prayers to speak to the traveller. “I am a man of God, my son; I have no fear of death. Take the last parachute and save you life.”
“Hey, it’s cool, Father. There’re still two parachutes left. The smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane wearing my backpack.”
Wow! That’s a Big one! 哇!那个真是大得吓人
One day a tourist walked into a Texas tavern and ordered a shot of whiskey. The bartender put a big tumbler full of whiskey in front of him.
“What’s this?” asked the tourist.
“Why, it’s a shot of whiskey! Don’t you know that everything is big i Texas?”
Then, an armadillo ran past the door.
“What was that?” asked the tourist.
“Why, that was a Texas cockroach.”
By this time, the whiskey had gone to the tourist’s bladder as well as his head, and he asked the location of the bathroom. The bartender directed him to go down the hall and to the right, but the tourist turned left instead and fell into the swimming pool.
The bartender heard the splash and went to investigate. As he put his head in the door, he heard the tourist cry,“Don’t flush the toilet!”
No Fooling! 不要瞎混!
“Please be gentle with me , darling,” said the bride on her wedding night, “I’m a virgin.”
“You’re a virgin?” exclaimed her husband with surprise. “But you’ve been married three times.”
“That’s true, dear; but my first husband was an artist and he just wanted to look at my body; my second husband was in advertising, and he would only tell me how great it was going to be; and my third husband was a lawyer, and would always say, ‘I‘ll get back to you next week.’”