学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-14
一只聪明的狗 A Clever Dog
A dog owner claimed that his pet, when given money, would go to the news stall to buy a paper. His friend insisted on a demonstration and handed the dog some money - The dog trotted off, but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper.
"How much did you give him?" asked the owner.
"Well, that explains it. When you give him five dollars, he goes to a movie."
我晚饭后从不工作 I Never Work After Supper
A penny-pinching farmer didn't want his hired hand to stop working. One morning, he told thefarmhand, "It's such a nuisance to come in from the field,, wash up for lunch and take time toeat. Why don't we save time and eat lunch now?"
The hired man agreed. The farm's wife brought in some cold meat and fried potatoes, andthe two men ate again.
When they had finished, the cheap farmer said, "While we're still at the table, let's havesupper too. " They were now served steak, boiled potatoes and mixed vegetables, and they ateonce more.
"Now that the meals are out of the way, " the farmer announced, we can go out and workall day without interruption. "
"Oh, no, " the farmhand answered. " I never work after supper.
I Want to Get Out
A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a. m. and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang." What time do you open up in the morning ?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.
The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. "Listen," the owner shouted ,"there's no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn't let a person in your condition in..."
"I don't want to get in," the caller interjected. "I want to get out."
It Seemed Like Hours
As a band instructor at an elementary school, I require my students to turn in practice sheets signed by their parents so I can be sure they are putting in enough time. I had to laugh, however, when one parent wrote on her child's sheet, "Practiced 17 minutes, but it seemed like hours.
A Pleasant Surprise
A friend of mine had been wanting new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. She went to visit her mother for two weeks, and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that beautiful new cabinets had been installed.
A few days later a neighbor came over to visit my friend. After admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, "All of us were so glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the kitchen. "