学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：韦彦 发布时间：2016-09-18
Chaucer was over seventy , but he was not convinced of his age. At a time he boasted: “My physical strength is as strong as that I was young.” The opposite person asked: “ What do you rely on? ” Chaucer said : “ There is a big stone roller in my compound. I couldn’t heave it when was young, neither can I now.”
Son: Papa, what' s the meaning of " Like father, like son"?
Father: Bastard. What another scandalous thing have you done in the school?
The master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them to countfifty before saying anything important, and one hundred if it was very important. The next dayhe was speaking, standing with his back to the fire, when he noticed several lips moving rapidly.Suddenly the whole class shouted: Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred. Your coat is on fire,sir!
A Dying Man's Favorite Cookies An elderly man lay dying in his bed.
In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies waftingup the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaningagainst the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effortforced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.Were it notfor death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven:
there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favoritechocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven?
Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world ahappy man?Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on hisknees in a rumpled posture.
His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seeminglybringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shockingly made its way to a cookie atthe edge of the table,
when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.Stay out of those, she said, they'refor the funeral.
When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I requiredmy students to attend the university theater's current production and write a critique. Afterviewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: The play was so real, I thought Iwas actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.
An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison.
The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone whowould help him plow up the garden.He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, ForHEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!
At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden,but didn't find any guns.Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened andasking him what to do next.His son's reply was: Just plant your potatoes.